i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
