Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
