bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
