she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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