You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize