Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
