Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
