I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you had me at cake vodka
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
