Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
