Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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