Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
