we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
