I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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