I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
even my farts smell like vagina
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
