so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
