you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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