I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
A bitchslap is in order.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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