It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
