just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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