i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
