I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
