I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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