cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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