They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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