So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
