I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
