Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't think brook has ever known best
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize