How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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