I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
