went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
