so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
