It's Friday. Sex?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
