You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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