I am puke
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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