my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
