Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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