Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
