this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
