Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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