I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
