it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
