About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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