one might say we're banned from that church
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Randomize
