Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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