Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
