the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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