Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I want to be your penis for a week.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
