chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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