no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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