remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
