He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
