I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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