The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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