i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
