4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
