I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
