I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Randomize