somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she pinky promised me she was 18
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
