stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
