he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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