Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize