I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My ATM looks so different sober.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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