Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
