you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
