It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
