i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
