Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My ass is underappreciated
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
