i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
