I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
