I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She has the best kind of daddy issues
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
