Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
