I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
