I think I won the penis lottery.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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