Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
