he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
