i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
please don't ironically join a cult
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