I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
