saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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