I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
