It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
