So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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