Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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