can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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