How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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