I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
