Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
