she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
