The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
In other news, I just burned my penis
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize