I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
