Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
