and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
