i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This is the high leading the old right now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize