I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
