Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
