If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
