spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
