Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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