there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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