im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
