i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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