1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
