Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
