theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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